Coping with an emotional shock as a Foreign student in France

Question

I am in my 1st year of a PhD in France. I can barely communicate in French. I had to visit the administrative office where 1 out of 3 knows English (call her E) and the other two speaks only French (call them F1 and F2). I asked F1 how do I get the train and bus travel card, using by which students can travel in subsidized rates. F1 gave me a form to fill up, I asked her if it is enough for the card (I had to use google translate to make her understand what I was asking for) and she said yes. Then E came and said me this is enough and asked me if I had a travel card. I said no, in fact I doubted the relevance of her question since I came for the exact thing she is asking. Then the following happens.

She said an immediate big NO. It is clear from her body language that she is not in a good mood. I was stunned and said I don't understand. Again a NO with a tone change and a big shake of head, went to her chair, put on her coat, said something in French with an angry NO again. Two of her colleagues came to the room (it was almost lunch time) and said something her in French looking at me. E was clearly angry and I felt like crying. She stormed out with F2. F1 was there, she took out an application by another student showing the copy of the card, she said me I had to apply the card from the railway station and then the university will make authorisation (google translate again). I thanked her and went out deeply shaken. In fact, one other student told me some days back that I had to go to the station for the application but I completely forgot that information at that moment. My adviser told me they were not the right people for my purpose (I didn't told her the whole tense scenario).

I couldn't stop thinking about it. I kept thinking that it may be because I annoyed them with my ignorance in their language and with my lack of time sense (it was almost lunch time). I tried to mentally justify E's actions. I put me in her place and I cannot justify her. I thought of writing her a letter how I felt. I understand that part of it is my mistake, I should have remembered an acquaintance telling me I had to take the form, I completely missed that.

What should have I done? Should I write her a letter saying how I felt and this is not the right way to react? Should I tell my adviser how I felt? May be its just me or my personality thereby making the scenario highly subjective, I feel myself a sensitive person, but I can't get over it. I wish to know if anyone had similar instances and how to deal with it.

Answer 1

It's difficult to know exactly what happened. It's entirely possible that you met some rude people and that miscommunication made things worse or that your interlocutors felt bad about the situation for some reason and reacted aggressively as a result. You already received some good advice on how to approach similar situations and avoid unpleasant confrontations in the future but even if you made some mistakes, that's not a reason to be treated badly and you should certainly not feel responsible for all this.

Beyond that, feeling overwhelmed or depressed is pretty common for both students and expats, doubly so if you just moved from abroad to start a PhD in a foreign country without speaking the language. I personally think it's totally worth it but the truth is that it can be tough. Trying to get some support is the right thing to do when you feel bad!

In Paris, the Cité internationale universitaire de Paris has staff to assist foreign students and research staff at French universities (including with administrative formalities). In particular, the International social center (RSI in French) is here to provide support if you need urgent help (e.g. serious financial, psychological or family issues). The website mentions “multilingual staff” so I suppose you should at least find someone speaking English there.

Elsewhere in France, there might be some local initiatives but I am not aware of any nationwide organisation offering similar support to foreign students. All students in France can however talk to a psychologist free of charge by going through one of the “Bureau d'aide psychologique universitaire”). You can use google to find the contact/address of the nearest one but I doubt you will always find someone speaking English there.

Answer 2

I do not find this weird. I am not arguing on the rudeness, I tend to think French people may be rude for no reason.

But you should understand that in France, administration and responsibilities are really divided into roles. And one role is fulfilled by one person. Asking a school administration for train discount cards is not expected, I would even describe the feeling as a lack of respect to the school administration. You should not react too abruptly to such behaviour or you will very soon feel so homesick you cannot stand France.

Your best solution is to find someone nice and helpful that can help you with all your questions. There are a lot, they can be friends, sometimes even school administration personnel. But don't be too intrusive with an administration, their job is not to be your personal assistant but to help with school stuff.

Also, as @Gagravarr suggested, there are times you should avoid (unless it is urgent or you're only free during these times) certain times to talk to small administrations. The first half hour of the day, after 11.30 in the morning, the first 15 minutes in the afternoon and after 4.30pm, people may want to check their emails, take a coffee in the morning or leave office early in the afternoon. That's part of the culture, people may be moody at these times.

In your specific case, I would recommend you to also ask your questions on travel.SE, there are many people pretty familiar with French trains and their tricks. Don't hesitate to ask.

Answer 3

Also a 1st year PhD student in France, also can't speak French. Also had very similar experiences.

You really need to abuse google and university resources and find out precisely what you need in order to get things done. There's a very strict 'way' of doing things in France, and typically people will be happy to do their part of these things for you, but they aren't going to like it if you expect them to hold your hand. Especially before lunch when they're trying to leave. Especially if you're not speaking their language, and especially if they can't speak yours.

Also, and I hate to say it, but a certain degree of rudeness is expected here. It's hard, especially if you have social anxieties. But you really need to get used to it.

I also advise writing people questions in the form of emails in French, so it looks like you're trying even if you're just using Google Translate until you learn properly. But you really need to learn properly, and this goes for both of us.

It sounds like you were trying to get the student Navigo card?

Finally, my final secret involves being VERY nice to the admin people. I bring them baked goods. This is a good tip for ANY PhD student anywhere, but especially a foreign one who needs a lot of help and can't speak the language.

Answer 4

In France, you must accept that it is somewhat common to treat others rudely. And it is typical to get incomplete or inaccurate information from office people. Ask your adviser to help you through the entire process. There is no way for us to know what E was upset about.