Meeting locals, when you move to a new country?

Question

If you're moving somewhere new, and want to meet other expats, then we've got a great question on how to meet other expats when you move to a new country. Alongside that though, you might want to meet and make friends with some local people too! Whether that's to learn more about the country you've moved to, practice your language skills, have a wider pool of friends, or maybe just sometimes escape the "expat bubble" which certain places can encourage, you might well want to make some local friends. To do that, you'll need to meet and socialise with some local people!

Clearly language can be an issue here. If you don't speak much / any of the language where you're moving to, then your interactions with locals is likely to be pretty restricted, at least initially.

Assuming you can speak at least some of the local language, as a new arrival in town, how do you go about meeting + socialising with locals?

Answer 1

I have gone now through 10 relocations from 6 months to 4 years stay and gathered some methods to improve chances to meet people. My realization is that it is finally almost never a single item but rather a combination of all things that will help you. I will leave out the obvious clubs, sports and work-related topics and focus on your everyday life.

1. Where to live: In most cases, you have a choice where to get an apartment/house. It is more important where you live for the first 2-4 years. In this time you will need to build up a social network, you can later move somewhere else. You will later also have a better idea where to invest into buying a place or renting something larger. Ideally, you get your first place in an urban environment where people walk from their apartments to shops and restaurants nearby. If you live there, you will have higher chances at meeting the same people at the same time again, be it in front of your door, at the baker in the morning or the newspaper stand. Also, if you do not know people, you will want to pop out for dinner in the pizzeria next door rather than taking a car to drive downtown or sitting by yourself at home, alone.

2. Have a regular lifestyle around your home: Try to find as soon as possible a hairdresser, dentist, bar, restaurant, coffee shop, baker, butcher, supermarket etc possibly near your place and keep going there. You will start to meet the same people. Use the shop owners and staff as an anchor point and talk to them about the area you live in etc. Tell them you live next door now and want to get to know the neighborhood. When you pay, leave a tip and say you will be back. Once you know them, you will start to know the other regular clients in their shop, and your network will expand. These will not necessarily all be people you want to spend your Sunday night with, but through them you will meet other people, and like this you will spread your network. Be loyal to your neighborhood, and it will support you.

3. Find restaurants and bars with a counter so you can talk to the barkeep/chef and speak with other people: This is the most effective one. Bar keepers are social networkers. On top of that, at a bar it's the easiest to talk to other people. Sushi restaurants and the like are also great. You need to go to the same places at least once a week, better twice. You will be recognized and people feel more at ease to talk to you. It's maybe a bit more expensive to eat out often, but see it as an investment into your life.

4. Learn the language. As much as you can as soon as possible. Specially if you do not look like the other people around you. The more different you look, and the better you know the local language, the more people will remember you. A Japanese guy, speaking Japanese in Japan in a Sushi restaurant is just one of the thousands that walk by every day. A Caucasian speaking Japanese in Japan in a Sushi restaurant will be remembered months after eating there. Ask people how to pronounce stuff form the menu. Ask them if you said something correctly. Show an interest in the language, the culture, try to remember what to say as greetings and what for holidays ("Merry Christmas!" etc). Learn the phrases like "I moved into an apartment very nearby and try to find a [shop]".

5. Find a local sports bar and go there for the big games. Make sure you cheer for the local team, as hard as that might be. Irish pubs seem to be good all around the world for that. Common interests always make good friends. Throw in a beer and a TV and you are almost there.

6. Try to avoid places where tourists or commuters hang out. You will disappear in a crowd and everyone is just a passer-by. Find shops & restaurants that are small and have fewer staff so you do not have someone else in front of you each time you visit.

7. If you moved there with your partner, be careful not to fall into the "homely home" trap. While it may be great and comfy at home in front of the TV with your partner, remember that the earlier you build up a social network, the better your life will be in the long run. I recommend that you try to go for a drink sometimes by yourself to meet people. I found it often easier to talk to strangers when I am by myself than when I am with my wife.

Answer 2

One strategy is to pursue some activity you already practiced back home (sport, music, dance, volunteering…) or pick up a new one. If you live in an area with a lot of expats or work for a large international company, a university or an international organization, avoid going only to the sports facility offered by your employer but seek a local club.

Making friends always takes time, though (there are even some sociological/psychological theories as to why it should take time) and unlike expats, most locals will already have a network of local friends so it's always more difficult and you have to take the initiative.

Answer 3

I prefer dating sites.

Granted that narrows the selection to mostly people who're looking for romantic relationships, but it still is a great way to find a large pool of locals who are actively interested in meeting new people. And dating can just as often lead to lifelong friendship as it can to romantic relationship.

There's been much written about the new norm of having a permanent OkCupid profile, and I think it's especially valid for travellers. It's a good way of showing that you're always open to meeting new people.

Answer 4

Couchsurfing - not only hosting, but attending the weekly meetings - helped me a lot: I found not only travelers, but also expats living in the city, and locals too. Especially if you live in a bigger city, you might always find smaller or bigger events (a hike, a potluck, movie night or party), or just try to organize one - there are always some couchsurfers to come.

Other was, as mentioned above, joining clubs/groups whose interests I share: in my case it was a choir and also volunteering.

One more: if you are in a bigger city/capital, try to find the embassy or consulate of your home country - you can surely find expats, but also other people (locals) who are interested in your home country, or just join the events of the cultural center, for example.

And last, but not least: get on a language course - learn how to speak with the locals, and that would automatically connect you with at least one local (the teacher) and other non-locals (your colleagues). Finding someone to have language exchange class is also a good way: I teach you my language, you teach me yours, it's a win-win :)

Answer 5

We’ve talked about “how” as in methods, resources, but there’s another factor that one might want to know how to overcome: http://www.fluentin3months.com/shy-solution/

A lame attempt at a summary:

5 crazy ways to get over shyness immediately, no drink/drugs required

1. HOST Couchsurfers (i.e., be a host)

2. Become an amateur photographer (use a camera or some unusual item to get people to approach you)

3. Clink first, ask questions later (don’t plan what to say, just blurt something out)

4. Embrace your inner Klingon (find a group interested in something you are interested in)

5. Aim to fail (quantity, not quality)

   ---

   There’s more, but the rest is more specific to language learning.

A summary can’t do justice to the guy’s style—have to read it for the headings to really make sense.  But I tried to explain them a bit in the parentheses.

Example for #2: I recently bought a Brompton folding bicycle. I've used it in Perú on eight or nine different days, and at least eleven people (one of them a police officer) have approached me to talk about it.

Answer 6

Couchsurfing.org, Servas.org, Hospitalityclub.net, and the like.

You don’t have to offer or receive lodging to contact other members. Most users search for a place they plan to go to. You would search for the place you are already at.

Also one of the many sites for meeting people who want to practice a language.

Italki, babelyou, mylanguageexchange, etc.

Some of these are online only, but some of them have you specify whether you’re looking for chat, e-mail, Skype, or face-to-face.

Here’s one I forgot to mention the first posting: meetup.com